salarta

I’ve been relatively silent on the whole “GamerGate” thing for way too long. It’s been bugging me a lot since it all started, and I’ve had a lot of thoughts and feelings about it, but I’ve kept them under wraps for a variety of reasons. The first and foremost reason being that most people I’ve chatted with more directly online have expressed opinions in the “GamerGate” crowd.

I need to say a little bit about myself. I like variety. I like treating fiction with respect to how it was created. I think we can have all sorts of stories and depictions in video games, as with any medium. When I saw Bayonetta and Lollipop Chainsaw, I bought and played the shit out of those games, and loved every second of them. I’m looking forward Metal Gear Solid V: Phantom Pain, and I see nothing wrong with Quiet. By contrast, I don’t like when companies twist female characters into something they’re not meant to be, something insulting. I hate what’s been done to Aya Brea, Samus Aran, Lara Croft in their latest games. They were strong, badass women, reduced to roles defined by dependence on men for any strength we formerly understood to be innate to them.

At the same time, I’ve written a lot of adult fanfiction. Much of this writing involves humiliation and nonconsensual content, even doing some of the very things I complain about being done to Aya, Samus and Lara. I was able to write those stories because of one core belief: it’s fiction, and entirely unofficial to boot. It’s not real. The fact it exists does not encourage people to think and act in ways similar to those stories, just as a writer writing a book that depicts murders in deep grisly detail does not want to see anyone murdered in real life. I wrote those stories because as far as I saw them, they were harmless fiction with no bearing or effect on the real world.

“GamerGate” is making me question everything about that philosophy, and not in the way GamerGate proponents would like me to think.

Supporters of GamerGate are speaking a tune that their cause is righteous and just, that they are doing this because they want to fight corruption and protect freedom of speech. That’s what they’re saying. What they’re doing has me feeling the exact opposite of what they proclaim is their cause: I don’t feel free to speak. I DON’T feel like I can write these stories anymore. Why? Because I feel like my stories, even if they’re the shittiest stories ever written and even if all of one person ever reads them, may be contributing to a culture that brings out the worst in people. This culture is one where people think it’s okay to send death threats to people and universities because they don’t like what someone is saying. It’s a culture where harassing phone calls to a person’s father and ruining thoroughly vetted academic surveys is all “fair game.” It’s a culture that permits all of this, then tries to paper an excuse over it by proclaiming every single possible incident in the whole world must be “faked” or an “aberration,” even as they pile up.

If anyone of the GamerGate group plans to respond to this, I already know what to expect. You’re going to say “They try to ruin lives too, look at this evidence we have!” or “It’s not about the Quinn thing anymore, we’re way beyond that, now we’re fighting for ethics!”

To that I say: where is your ACTUAL backbone on the matter of ethics? If you really, truly cared, you would not be limiting the scope of your concern just to “journalistic integrity” or just to covering your own asses. You would care a hell of a lot more about preventing harassment to EVERYONE on ALL sides. Your kneejerk reaction to “Proponents of the GamerGate group chased Anita Sarkeesian, Brianna Wu and Zoe Quinn out of their homes with death threats” would not be “Hey, they’re doing it too, look at this totally legit evidence!” If you really cared, your goal would be to openly and explicitly denounce those bad actors first and foremost, no matter who they are or where they come from. ESPECIALLY if they come from within, because they make you look like shit.

Further, if you really cared, you would be encouraging women like Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian to speak and say anything and everything they want and need to say. You might think they’re frauds. I know many of you out there do. But if that’s true, then you should be perfectly capable of refuting anything they have to say with logic and reason. If you need to intimidate and bully someone to get your way, you automatically lose.

I am not a fan of people getting death threats. I am not a fan of seeing people silenced from sharing their views. I don’t want to see gamers prove that every single terrible thing the media claimed about video games in the 90s was right all along. That’s exactly what it looks like from here. It looks like you’re showing video games to be something that induces a person to force women out of their homes, force women to leave an industry they want to take part in, stuff academic votes with false answers, and tell fathers their daughters are whores. That’s the kind of person you’re making the world think video games create.

You’re making a solid case for why video games should be banned or not exist at all, and don’t think the discourse on video games won’t reach that point if you keep up your current course. I guarantee that is exactly where this is going unless you change for the better, and the blame of it will rest on your shoulders. Sure, the government might not ban video games altogether, but they would most certainly put restrictions on the content.

The comic book industry had such a limitation for decades thanks to mere accusations of the comics leading children to criminal acts. What do you think will happen to the video game industry as a result of real, proven criminal acts running rampant and ruining lives day after day? Do you really think society will see rampant death threats, see they’re caused by people obsessed with video games, and think “Whatevs yo, they’re just video games?” Because if you do, let me assure you, that is not what will happen.

So… here we are. I just called you out to step up, be the men you claim you are and stand for what’s right no matter which side you’re on. Why am I targeting you specifically? Because currently, your movement is steeped in blind hatred, and you clearly target anyone that says something you don’t like to silence them.

This is a test. It’s a pretty simple and low-key test, because I’m a nobody and I’m worth nothing, and nobody may see this post, but it’s still a test. I’ve told you what you need to do in order to get taken seriously, and to advance the agenda you claim so fervently to believe. Will you listen? Or will you attack me as well? If your aims are truly noble, don’t just tell us they are, prove they are.

Above all else, bear this in mind: until you started acting out, I didn’t care one bit about Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn, Brianna Wu or anyone else getting attacked. I would not be saying any of this if you had not forced my hand. I write this expecting some crazies in the group are going to try to ruin my life now, because that appears to be what you do, but I’m sick of this shit. It keeps me up at night, and I can’t stay silent anymore.