How I Would Make An X-Men Movie

wait-till-they-hear-about-this:

Cyclops: Just swim over there and take him from behind.
Wolverine: I weigh 800lbs, there is no “swim”.
Next Scene~
Professor X: We head out at dawn.
Jubilee: I’m a vampire.
Professor X: Fine, dusk!
Jubilee: There’s still a little daylight then and I’m still a vampire.
Next Scene~
Iceman: Hang on, Logan!
Wolverine: I WEIGH 800LBS, THIS IS THE END FOR ME!
Next Scene~
Nightcrawler: Merry Christmas, Kitty!
Shadowcat: You stupid fucking waffle cone, I’m Jewish.
Next Scene~
Magneto: We must kill all humans! But first, it’s Lorna’s nap time.
Quicksilver: WTF DAD
Magneto: Shut up, I’m not even your real dad. At least this one’s actually mine!
Next Scene~
Professor X: Raven and I are having a child.
*distant sounds of disgust follow*
Iceman: This is almost as gross as that time you dated Jean.
Cyclops and Wolverine: Wait, what?

I disagree and say Magneto’s definitely still Magneto’s son no matter what bullshit Marvel tries to pull over their film rights slapfest, but this is still amusing. 🙂

Hey. Hey everyone.

Mike Marts Leaves Marvel, Joins AfterShock Comics as Editor-in-Chief

Why Doesn’t Marvel Have An X-Men Cartoon Out?

If anyone is wondering why I post about Marvel screwing over the X-Men franchise and horrible decisions Disney and Marvel are making after I said I’m starting to look down on Marvel even with the films, well: it’s because I care about the X-Men franchise. I care about what it has to offer, its potential. I care about the people out there that care about it enough to want to work on it, and do great things with it, but can’t because their hands are tied by corporate meddling.

I don’t care about Disney and Marvel in and of themselves. I care about what they own. In the most ideal situation, I would like Disney and Marvel to realize what they’re doing wrong, stop making all the mistakes they’re making, and start being good companies here. That is what I want to happen. But if that isn’t possible, then I would not be broken up if Marvel plunged itself into obscurity and Disney eventually sold it off to another company, maybe Fox.

This is Disney we’re talking about here. This is a company that immediately shut down Lucasarts, a video game studio much beloved and that had a major game in the works at time of acquisition (Star Wars 1313), because it wanted to license its games out to other companies.

Disney is a company that wouldn’t bat an eye at shutting down the comic book publishing side of Marvel and farming it out to other companies. The people running things at Marvel think they’re preventing that from happening by catering to every single possible whim Disney has, but the truth is, they’re making that outcome even more likely.

Everything looks good right now. That won’t be the case in a few years if things keep up this way.

Here’s an interesting thought exercise, on the matter of the Batgirl variant cover that got pulled.

Batman had his back broken by Bane in the comics. Most people know this.

Let’s say the whole emphasis of Batman getting has back broken was to establish how much of a threat Bane is before he goes to fight Batgirl.

Let’s say the act of Batman having his back broken lasted for 20 years.

Let’s say that while there were no initial plans to use Bruce Wayne anymore, writers found a way to keep him around… so long as he stops being Batman, gets a completely different identity, and remains in a wheelchair.

For 20 years, Batman no longer exists. Every depiction in the comics of the character formerly known as Batman is now with the new identity.

How many Batman fans would scream bloody murder and demand DC Comics change everything back?

Under the idea of dangling carrots, I really shouldn’t say any of what I’m about to say, but I have to be honest.

Every day that passes with Wanda and Pietro retconned out of being Magneto’s kids, and denied the chance to interact with their sister Lorna and father Magneto as a family, I find something new wrong with Marvel that I didn’t even realize before the retcon. Now, as much as I’ve said I’d come back to trying out the MCU if things were fixed… I’m honestly not sure anymore if that’s true. I’m not sure if I’m going to want to watch another Marvel Studios movie ever again.

I tried to watch Winter Soldier again recently and it was boring as hell to me. I literally cared so little during the opening that I stopped it and switched to something else. This is a movie I liked the most out of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe when I saw it in theaters, and the single character I liked most out of Marvel until I discovered Polaris. And yet… I saw nothing about it worth watching.

That’s not in any way to say the cast and crew are not dedicated. That’s not even to suggest the writer or director didn’t care about the work they put into making the film. Yet, whatever care they had in making the film, it’s just… empty. The stakes feel empty. The intended sense of loss with things like not being with Peggy or what happened to Winter Soldier feels empty. I’ve been playing Resident Evil: Revelations 2, and a five minute (or less) scene with Barry Burton and how he feels about his daughter at the beginning of episode 3, purely dialogue, had a lot more value and emotional depth than all of Winter Soldier. And Resident Evil is a franchise I don’t expect to bring such depth because it’s always been about B-movie style silliness.

Which goes into Iron Man 3; Tony’s PTSD is incredibly shallow, and in many cases rings false. This is not the fault of Robert Downey Jr in any way. He did great work with his part. The problem is all the way in the script itself. I suspect this is largely because the film is made primarily to sell toys to kids, not to tell a story.

And more recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about why certain actors and directors do not stay on, some of which I’m only learning about now. There’s Marvel’s remarks about Edward Norton. There’s cutting away much of what Mickey Rourke did for Iron Man 2. Kenneth Branagh walked away from the director’s chair after Thor. Joshua Dallas chose not to reprise his Fandral role. Hugo Weaving didn’t want to come back for Red Skull, and this is a guy that has come back repeatedly for The Matrix as Agent Smith and the Lord of the Rings films as Elrond. And of course, there was the “creative differences” issue with the original director of Ant-Man, Edgar Wright. I even find myself wondering if Anthony Hopkins will be bowing out soon.

This isn’t a planned out, thought out, structured essay. If it was, I’d have links everywhere. I’m just saying what I’m thinking, and what I’m increasingly thinking ever since Marvel retconned Wanda and Pietro out of being Magneto’s kids isn’t very flattering for Marvel.

I should be keeping all of this to myself for the moment, but you know.. it doesn’t feel right to do that. What feels right is making this post.

They’re a pair of sisters, Justinian, so that alone makes it interesting. And they’re sisters who have worked together but never actually spent any time bonding. On an emotional level, they’re strangers, so I figured it would be intriguing to have them try and make up for lost time. Except that neither of them is the most emotionally stable of individuals. So what could possibly go wrong? And yes, it’s my first time writing her [Wanda].

Peter David on the Lorna/Wanda interactions in All-New X-Factor #14 (x)