Everything that’s happened in the past year has been shit with politics and Donald Trump. It doesn’t look likely to improve any time soon.

So here’s a personal silver lining. It in no way makes up for what’s happening, but it shows the very few personal positives to come out of this clusterfuck.

I used to have at least an inkling of self-conscious self-loathing for the kind of porn fanfics I’ve written (most of which involved noncon, humiliation, etc). Some part of me always felt like I was doing something “wrong” for writing them. Trump’s election changed that. I watched a man who has actually raped, molested and demeaned women and loved every second of it, get elected fucking president… and I watched Republicans, especially so-called “good Christians,” defend and support him.

At least I know the circumstances written in my fanfics are wrong and should never, ever happen to actual people. At least I know not to support anyone that would pursue even an inkling of those scenarios for real. Anyone who endorsed and endorses Trump lost any right they ever had to condemn me for those fics, and I can say that I am objectively a better person than any of them.

I used to be very beholden to authority figures. I used have this strong sense that if they’re in this position of authority, then except in very rare circumstances, they are in the right. That while specific police officers and even groups have been known to abuse and mistreat women, people of color and the LGBTQIA community, the general form is one of actual justice.

Trump changed that. If a man as blatantly criminal, hateful, racist and sexist and downright dangerous as Trump can be elected fucking president, and have the support of police unions before election, then authority figures do not generally have some innate justice to them. Yes, officers provide an important duty and certainly a lot of them are good people trying to do the right thing. But if so many of them can back Trump, and if Trump can be raised up to a position of authority like president, then there is no inherent rightness to a majority of authority figures.

I used to really agonize over money and things that could be obtained with money, in a social sense. Does it speak poorly of me if I don’t have enough money to live life a certain way? Is it bad if I can’t reach what society claims are certain “milestones” in life I should be able to hit but can’t? If I couldn’t pay certain bills, does that make me terrible and irresponsible?

Trump proves those concerns entirely unfounded. Even with the “millions” he supposedly has, he doesn’t pay a hell of a lot of his bills. He puts his businesses into bankruptcy and takes money for himself while not caring a bit about who he hurts in the process. He enriches himself whenever possible while inflicting harm on people who don’t have the money and resources he has to weather it. He outright ripped people off with Trump University, sent people into poverty and had no qualms with it. And people supported him in spite of that. Money, debt, etc is bullshit if a man like Trump can become president after abusing the system so blatantly for so long.

In one year, I changed from someone who felt partly ashamed of elements of his fic writing, who felt extremely deferential to authority, and who worried a good amount about money and debts insofar as social standing, to someone that isn’t concerned about any of those things. Why should I? I’m a better person than Trump, and look where he got. Look who supported him, how many so-called “good Christians” and “patriotic Republicans” eagerly tripped over themselves for this racist, sexist, greedy and hateful shitbag.

If they’re so quick to abandon all pretense of morality and good just to acquire power for “their side,” then everything they’ve ever said is as big a lie as Trump himself.