The saying “if you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you” is an apt saying. I have a lot of things to say here, and if reading this post, it’s important to read all of it. Just reading one small portion of it will miss some very important complexity.

There is a lot of darkness and evil in humans, and to some extent existence in general. We create worlds and characters, we write stories and draw pictures, we generate ideals and build legacies to bring some light into that darkness. And it’s needed, because darkness is insidious and soul-corroding.

I’m deeply opposed to a lot of dark things. I’m opposed to senseless, pointless, uncaring character death, like what happened to Dreamer on Gifted. I’m opposed to “dark” reimaginings of characters, like “Superman” in DCEU or “Lara Croft” in the “Tomb Raider” reboot. To me, those reimaginings are all about taking this great characters and cutting them down, some horrible idea that they’re more “relatable” if we see this uplifting iconic character beaten down into trauma.

Life has enough darkness like that. At one point in my life, I started looking really deep at some really horrific real world stories. There’s Sylvia Likens, and Junko Furata, and so many other people who have been abused and tortured to death. I needed to understand how human beings could be so evil. I think I did eventually understand, that it’s all about power and domination plays, the abuser and murderer wanting to feel powerful and in control. But I also reached a point where all my emotions became very numb. It was the only way I was able to really handle everything I saw. I’m still numb many years later, just that I’ve slowly come out of it.

Please know as I say all of this, there is nothing wrong with fiction exploring these horrific issues, including fanfic. Intent, tone and purpose are all extremely important.

A person writing it can be writing it because they want to understand it. Maybe they’ve had something happen to them and writing helps them process. The act of writing is a very immersive thing that can give you new perspective.

A person reading can also be exposed to new thoughts and feelings and perspectives they would never have otherwise. It can be eye-opening and cathartic.

Horror is horror, but if writing is done a certain way, it can bring about some light. Diving deep into the emotions of a character that has been through horrific events can show some of the good in humanity by how the character deals with it. What comes after. Who they are or who they become.

Death for the sake of death, trauma for the sake of trauma, darkness for the sake of darkness, are all just too much. It’s trying to tap into something deeper that matters and avoids all that staring into the abyss that can let the abyss consume you.

Yesterday, on another site, someone accused me of being hyperbolic about how pissed off I am about how Lorna was treated on Blue, and how much it’s made me loathe Havok.

I didn’t tell the person, but I took great offense to that. Saying I was being hyperbolic was basically suggesting that I’m pretending to be more upset than I am, or that I shouldn’t be allowed to feel the way I feel.

They also claimed I was being “irrational,” which is an insult I’ve had flung at me many times and I’ve learned to ignore it. But claiming I’m exaggerating how bad something looks to me and how I feel about it is new. How the hell do you exaggerate the way you feel? You’re literally putting your feelings into the closest words you can put them in. The only way you can “exaggerate” something like that is if you’re lying about your own feelings.

I think this person wasn’t actually thinking about me when he said it. I think his focus was on trying to dismiss what I was saying any way it took because he doesn’t feel the same way I do. Which again, is something I’ve dealt with many, many times.

But not this way. I’ve been called “irrational” before, I’ve been badmouthed for being “obsessed,” I’ve had people call me things I’m not and smear and harass me in hopes getting attacked like that would stop me from talking. But I’ve never had someone suggest I’m being “hyperbolic” about how I feel. And after some of the personal attacks I used to receive while posting about and supporting Lorna, I find it insulting and disrespectful.

I’m treating this as a one-off situation with this person right now, because it probably is. He probably doesn’t realize how insulting his comments were to me, and I didn’t go into it with him. But I still needed to post about it to vent.