This past week has been a lot of exposure to things that I had been meaning to get to, but put off. Like finally watching sharp objects, and listening to Hayley Williams’ solo song after putting it off for a week. In each case, I think I wouldn’t have been quite able to handle what they offered when they first came out.
I’m a pretty big believer in many things happening when they need to happen for me. And that maybe it looks like it should’ve happened sooner at first, but when it really does happen, it clicks.
This goes for many things. Not just “you’ll watch a show when it’s right for you.” I think I’ll become aware of certain things when I need to. I’ll feel certain ways, make certain arguments, even if it seems like it’s a “bad idea” to do so, because it’s what’s needed right then.
This loops back, like many things, to Polaris. This might seem contradictory. To think “things will happen when they need to happen” while simultaneously insisting they happen. If things are supposed to come at their own pace, isn’t pushing for them to happen sooner pointless?
It’s not. Because things don’t just happen. The light bulb wasn’t randomly invented one afternoon. It took many attempts, with different components and variables, to make that invention work. It required rigorous study and analysis.
Same goes for Lorna, and many other things. If you say and do nothing, it remains undone. As a part of this world, one’s own acts contribute to its outcomes. In this sense, following my own compulsions is a necessary thing that works toward things happening when they need to happen.
We are not creatures in a vacuum.
This is why I’m not concerned about the trajectory of my actions with my fandom while other people are hesitant. I’m doing what I need to do, at the time it needs to be done. Sometimes I know exactly why. Sometimes I don’t, but it becomes clearer as events unfold, or when something happens later.
salarta 