I have time to write out something more thorough. Which means I’m going to go hard into exactly what pissed me off today about X-Men Blue #23.

And when it’s something this bad, I don’t give a shit about “spoilers.” Just like I didn’t give a shit about “spoiling” 3rd Birthday for people. Spoilers have no meaning when the product is basically bad fanfic.

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Here’s the page. Lorna has limited presence in the issue, Havok already gets a sizable presence. And then we get this shit.

I liked the preview pages where Lorna tells Raksha or whoever these guys I no longer care about are to call her by her name, not just by Magneto’s daughter, but then Bunn goes off and shoves this garbage on Lorna.

A whole fucking page dedicated to using Lorna as a mouthpiece to demonstrate a massive raging fan boner for Havok. Bunn could’ve had Lorna talk about Emma Frost, or Sinister, but no, he just haaaas to force this whole page-long dialogue about how Lorna supposedly wuvs this piece of shit that’s held her back for decades and has always, ALWAYS stolen potential and opportunities from Lorna while never giving a single goddamn thing back.

Bunn may as well have written Lorna humping a shrine to the great and glorious Havok, here, for all the emphasis he places on making it all about Havok Havok Havok.

Or maybe this will better illustrate how pissed off I am, as done in tweet earlier today chatting with someone.

Raksha person: “Hey daughter of Magneto.”
Lorna: “Call me Polaris.”
Raksha person: “Okay but didn’t ya fuck Havok”
Lorna: “OH BUT SEE HE’S A GOOD MAN AND CHCKJDJEUJDJDIDYAHSHDHDU”

I knew the second I saw this arc would be spotlighting Havok that it would be trouble, and Bunn not only proved me right, he went out of his goddamn way to do so.

Having Lorna chastise someone for treating her like she’s just Magneto’s daughter and nothing more loses all meaning when you then proceed to make her nothing but Havok’s ex-girlfriend who can’t go a fucking year without him forced on her narrative.

People use the Bechdel test as a gauge on whether or not female characters are written well, but in this case you don’t even need something that broad. Can Bunn go one issue without defining Lorna by Havok or Magneto?

That’s not a hypothetical, I honest to god don’t think he can do it. I don’t think he’s capable of understanding and giving a shit about who Lorna is as her own character if he can’t make it all about how much he loves Magneto and Havok.

What makes this even worse? The absolute bullshit line of “Alex and I haven’t been together in a long time.”

It’s only been five and a half fucking years. OUR TIME. Not comics time. Jean Grey was dead for around 15 years our time. Lorna didn’t even have Magneto fully confirmed as her father for nearly 10 years. But a little over 5 years and suddenly that’s supposed to be an eternity?

It’s made EVEN WORSE when you factor in the way comic book time works. Lorna was a teenager in 1968. Today, 50 years later, she’s in her late 20s or early 30s.

For generosity sake, let’s say Lorna was 18 in 1968 and she’s 32 today. That means every year of our time is about a fourth of a year comic book time. Five and a half years our time equals a year and a half in Marvel comics time for her.

Bunn’s having Lorna say a year and a half is a “long time” for them to not be a couple in the comics.

I know Bunn knows better than this, which leads me to two conclusions. 1) He’s a huge Havok fanboy who wants to push Lorna back over to him, meaning he has to pull stunts like this to justify his ploy. 2) He doesn’t give a shit about Lorna at all beyond her association with men.

If this was just one lone incident, one random mistake, I’d be more forgiving. But Bunn’s had MULTIPLE issues to get this shit right. He’s had since August last year to hear and digest complaints and alter plans in taking those complaints into account.

At this point, the only conclusion I can draw is that he doesn’t give a shit about Polaris at all and he shouldn’t have creative control over her. He doesn’t know how to write her, and he doesn’t even want to know how to write her.

I had complaints about Peter David, but Peter David was better than Bunn. He still had problems, but he made real efforts to fix things. When he laser focused on Lorna, he actually did some good work, e.g. X-Factor #243′s origin story. Bunn just doesn’t even try because he’d have to care to try.

I’m at a complete loss as to exactly how this can be salvaged at all. Maybe Marvel can say this Lorna is an alternate universe version brainwashed into thinking she’s 616 Lorna when she’s not. Maybe they can say she’s a Skrull. I don’t fucking know anymore and I don’t care, because as far as I’m concerned, Bunn hasn’t been writing Lorna. He’s been writing a plot device made to look like her so he can fangasm about Magneto and Havok at Lorna’s expense.

Bunn shouldn’t be writing Lorna. Hell, like a lot of other people have said, he probably shouldn’t be writing women period. He doesn’t know how to write Lorna and he doesn’t care enough to want to figure out how.

If it’s between Peter David or Cullen Bunn (rather than a female writer, for example), give her back to Peter David if he wants her. He has issues but at least he gives some fucks.

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